FEI Production
Presents
JOURNEY TO THE WEST
Director : Jack Neo Chong
Screen Writer : Cooling King
Cast : FEI's Members
SCENE #001
NARRATOR This is a story about how a group of extraordinary people traveled to thousand miles away at West for a sacred Buddhist Sutra. How extraordinary are they? We shall introduce them to you, one by one.
First, we have Sun Wukong the crazy Monkey King.
Next, the sleepy one at behind is Zhu Bajie, ex-Marshall from Milky Way.
The pity one who carries all luggages is Sha Wujing, the fallen General from immortal world.
And last but not least, we have the leader of the team at front. Tang Sanzang the nerdy monk who is edible for long live.
Due to global warming, the troop suffered under extreme heat, and the extreme weather would bring them an unexpected trouble. Here's how the story begins …
(ZHU rests at behind while the others continue walking to the left. SUN noticed that and turns back.)
SUN (Koncks on ZHU's head) Don't curi tulang at behind. No time to waste!
ZHU Can't help la, Brader! Do you see the Sun? Do you sense the heat? Do you feel the dryness? Do you …
SUN Do you want me to smack you? (About to beat)
ZHU (Surrenders) Okay, I know I'm wrong. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry …
("Sorry, Sorry" plays and the team dances …)
SUN Cut!
(Music stops.)
SUN Are we supposed to find somewhere to rest instead of dancing to nobody?
(Prelude of "Nobody" plays …)
SUN (Shouts to control room) Cut!
(Music stops.)
SUN (Shouts to control room) Play songs again and I'll smack you together with Zhu Bajie!
TANG Wukong, don't be rude to the organizers. Be grateful to them. Anyway, you all are right. We should find somewhere to have a break. But where?
SHA (Discovers a mamak at left and points) Sifu, I saw a mamak over there!
ZHU Okay, jom mamak! (Runs ahead)
(The team sits at mamak. Mamak ANIH comes out.)
ANIH (Indian accent) Yo, Boss! What do you want?
SUN Milo ais. RBTM
SHA Teh ais kurang manis. RBTM Cheese.
TANG Plain water. Maggi goreng without meat.
ZHU Watermelon juice. Maggi goreng double. (Whispers) With meat.
ANIH Yosh. Be right here. (Goes back)
SHA Sifu, how far do we still have to go?
TANG From the direction of the Buddha, we have traveled for 3141.59 miles, passed through 132 cities, met 459 demons …
SHA Sorry, Sifu. So how far to go?
(Silence.)
TANG Frankly speaking, I don't know.
(Silence again.)
SUN Is this a joke or a statement, Sifu?
SHA Which part should I laugh, Sifu?
ANIH (Serves drinks) Mari mari. Drinks first, Boss!
ZHU Yayaya, let's have something first. (Gets drink ahead)
SUN See, Zhu Bajie will only be the fastest in this kind of scenario.
TANG Wukong, stop criticizing.
(Everyone gets drinks.)
SHA Anih, is there any town nearby?
ANIH Yes, there's one at 10 miles from here. A newly-opened 7-11 is there.
SHA Great! I can buy plasters to pad my burdened shoulders.
ZHU Even greater. There must be muimui in the town.
SUN Excuse me, are you soooooooooo pathetic to see beauty?
ZHU C'mon, I'm a man. I'm lonely. I have my mental need. What's wrong? I don't want to be like you seeing monkeys everyday back at your cave.
SUN Fuuuuuuuuuu you! Are you tired of living?
TANG Wukong, stop it!
(SUN stands up and prepares to beat ZHU. Suddenly, SUN collapses on chair.)
SUN Damn dizzy … (Falls)
ZHU Me too …(Falls)
TANG What's wrong with it … (Falls)
SHA (Points ANIH) Owh, you drugged us … (Falls)
(Silence. WHITE BONE comes out from behind.)
ANIH My Lord, the sleeping pills from Guardians are awesome! They sleep instantly!
WHITE I like the effect. Anih, you know what to do next.
ANIH Yes, My Lord. (Starts searching for valuables in luggage)
WHITE Is there something wrong with you? We don't want money. We want Tang Sanzang!
ANIH Okay. Sorry, sorry …
(Prelude of "Sorry, Sorry" plays.)
ANIH (Shouts to control room) Hey, do you guys want to be that sarcastic?
(Music stops.)
WHITE Ignore them, Anih. We have more important thing to do.
ANIH Yes, My Lord. The kitchen is ready. Let's bring our yummy flesh back.
WHITE Let me do it.
(WHITE uses keys to wake TANG up. The zombie-like TANG jumps to right with them. ANIH ties TANG and leaves him on stage. The duo goes down from stage.)
SCENE #002
(At the deserted mamak, the trio are still in coma. A passer-by comes out and turns around them.)
PASSER-BY Wake up.
(No respond.)
PASSER-BY (Gets a speaker) Wake UP!!!!!!!
(All wakes up.)
PASSER-BY What are you all doing here?
SHA We're going to get Sutra in India.
ZHU Yalor, yalor, yalor!
PASSER-BY Then why do you all end up here?
SUN The weather is hot. We bring Sifu to stop here for a drink.
ZHU Yalor, yalor, yalor!
SHA Oh ya! We were being drugged just now. It must be that Anih!
ZHU Yalor, yalor, yalor!
PASSER-BY So it's only three of you?
SHA (Looks around) Ya, only three of us.
ZHU Yalor, yalor, yalor!
SUN (Mimics) Yalor, yalor, yalor! Can you say something else, Stupid?
ZHU Sifu, Sun Wukong says I'm stupid.
SUN No use la. Sifu is not here, Stupid.
ZHU Okay, okay. I know I'm stupid.
SHA (Looks around) Ya, Sifu is not here.
(Silence.)
SUN SHA ZHU Sifu is missing!!!!!
ZHU So Sifu missing, then no need to get Sutra. No need to get Sutra, then we can dismiss. PANGKANG!
(Everyone starts to bash ZHU.)
PASSER-BY Do you sense how severe the condition is? You all can't even protect your Sifu. What might happen to him? Might be eaten by demons for long live.
SUN Who are you? How do you know all these? Are you a demon as well?
PASSER-BY Who I am is not important.
SUN It's is. Because my job is to bash demons!
(SUN is about to beat PASSER-BY. PASSER-BY chants and SUN suddenly freezes.)
SUN Why can't I move? What have you done to me?
PASSER-BY Poor Sun Wukong. You are still as repulsive as before. Go and save your Sifu before it's too late. (Passes paper to SHA) This is the GPS coordinate. Good luck!
SUN Hey, who are you?
(PASSER-BY leaves the stage and SUN's spell is removed.)
SUN Who the heck is that? How dare he perform spells on me?!
SHA I think we should start finding Sifu. (Takes GPS out from backpack) The coordinate is … (Gets the direction and points) It's over there!
(The team leaves the stage.)
SCENE #003
(TANG is tied. ANIH and WHITE walk up and discuss on how to cook TANG.)
WHITE I've got him, finally. After this meal, I will gain my longevity!
ANIH It's great, My Lord. With the power of long live, I'm sure you can surpass the Spider Demon and the Fox Demon.
WHITE Yes, I will prove to all that I, the White Bone, will be the strongest woman in the demon industry. Hahahaha!
ANIH So how should we cook the monk, My Lord? Steam, fry, grill, barbecue, rendang, or teriyaki?
WHITE No. I just learnt how to cook tomyam through Asian Food Channel. We'll make tomyam soup using Tang Sanzang!
(SUN, SHA, and ZHU appears from another side.)
SUN The one in the tomyam soup will be both of you, Demons!
SHA How dare you all drug us!
ZHU You still owe me Maggi Goreng Double!
ANIH Well, well, well. Since everyone here, I will cook you all in tomyam soup also. My Lord, I'll settle them!
SUN (Takes toothpick out) See how I turn my stick longer! (Another hand towards SHA) Pass me the stick!
(SUN gets the stick and fights with ANIH. SHA and ZHU sit at side and eats kuaci like audiences. SUN defeats ANIH in Ip-Man style, causing ANIH slides backwards and escapes.)
SUN Such a loser! (Turns to WHITE) White Bone Demon, I'll finish you as well!
(Both fight in middle while SHA takes TANG away secretly. Although being electrocuted by WHITE in midway, SUN finally defeats WHITE.)
ZHU Sun Wukong, Sifu is safe in one piece! You just let go of that beauty.
SUN No! Demon is our enemy. They will harass us again and again. I have to kill her!
TANG Stop it, Wukong! Spare her and her them for reflection.
SUN (Thinking) Okay, Since Sifu says so, I'll spare your life. But don't let me see you again!
(The team continues the journey. But WHITE follows them at behind.)
WHITE Sun Wukong! Please don't leave me alone! (Runs towards SUN)
SUN (Stops WHITE) Stop! Are you looking for dead?
WHITE No, My Dear. I have to confess.
TANG What do you want to confess, Miss?
WHITE Sun Wukong, hold your breath. Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you …
SUN Get lost!
WHITE … You stunned me in the fight just now. Over again, don't make me change my mind.
SUN (Impatient) Are you enough?
(SUN chases WHITE around slowly.)
SHA Wow, it's damn romantic. Hehehe …
ZHU (To control room) Music!
("My Heart Will Go On" plays. PASSER-BY appears.)
PASSER-BY Stop!
(Music stops. Everyone looks at PASSER-BY.)
PASSER-BY This is Indian temple. Dancing is not prohibited here.
SUN You again?! Listen, I'm not dancing, but the (Points WHITE) I-dunno-who keeps saying she falls for me chasing me like hell and ... wait … this is India?
SHA (Looks at GPS) Hey all, it's true. We are now in India, ready to get Sutra.
TANG It's good news for us. Amitabha. Let's hurry up to meet the Buddha for his guidance.
ZHU Exactly. The sooner we see him, the sooner we can go back.
SHA But where is Buddha?
(PASSER-BY points himself but nobody sees him pointing.)
SUN I think we need to find the Buddha around.
(Everyone tours around the stage to find the Buddha. WHITE kept approaching SUN but kept chased off by SUN. PASSER-BY turns the name card on him upwards. TANG searches around and ended up on the name card.)
TANG B-U-D-D-H-A. Everyone, I think I found Buddha.
(Everyone looks towards PASSER-BY, as well as TANG raises head to see PASSER-BY.
ALL You are the Buddha?
PASSER-BY Well, is there any problem?
(Scene freezes. NARRATOR comes to front with a book.)
NARRATOR This is the last pit stop of the journey. They reached India and eventually got the sacred Buddhist Sutra from the hard-to-recognize Buddha. After that, the troop returned to China and the China Tang Emperor rewarded them handsomely. Sun Wukong and Tang Sanzang had achieved Buddhahood, while Zhu Bajie and Sha Wujing were being promoted as well. Was the White Bone Demon with the Crazy Monkey King Sun Wukong in the end? Maybe yes, maybe no.
This is the final chapter of Journey to the West, narrated by Mamak Anih.
RBTM, Boss?
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