Saturday, April 30, 2016

First Joke in 2016

Since this blog has been idle for more than 5 years...I shall try to revive this blog. LOL...Please join the "ah bear" reviving effort.

The best joke of the year is
a joke that's not said, so that it will remain as the best joke yet to come. 

Monday, December 26, 2011

2011 下半年 听了想笑的电台广告 (个人觉得)


1. 某知名品牌代理商汽车广告
这广告的最后是这样说的: 详情请游览

(谜之声:这位老爸你也太牛了吧,孩子没出世你就叫他"三字经" =.=)

他是这样说的:“大家好,我是 MELVIN 谢XX ”
(谜之声: 只能意会~~~~)

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Thermography Course


I officially ended my level 1 thermography and infrared camera application course. There are total 5 levels in this course:

Level 1: Basic shape tracing
Able to differentiate if your wife's a guy before marriage, right in the sack.

Level 2: Heat signature differentiation
Able to detect the number of people in a remote 'earthquake'. (happening in a car, late night, tepi jalan...)

Level 3: Medium wavelength thermal monitoring
Able to conduct peeping-tom role from another building.

Level 4: Advanced coloured radiation detection
Able to determine the number of red coloured 'hanging bridges' in an operating washing machine.

Level 5: Enhanced 3D+HD art of thermography
Able to trace left behind heat and replay past few minutes' event thus settle the argument on whether Lee An Hwa had rape Moo Sai Fu or not.

Useful ley this course? Go apply la...

(reading the whole thing now justifies why I started this post with ''Guys''....)

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Body and Platform

Sometimes I do ponder on the similarity between our bodies and offshore platform:

Generator - Brain (generating impulse which is low concentrated electricity)
Pedestal crane - Arm
Compressor - Stomach
Gaslift Gas - Gastric Gas
Piping - Arteries
Crude Oil Transfer Pump - Heart
Well Head - Mouth
Well - Throat

and best of all.....

Vent to Flare - Butt to Fart

Monday, December 12, 2011

FEI-nion news - As it happened: YiuTP Curfew Riot Day 3


Reporters: Casanova Kian, Situp Tan Zi, Window Lee, October Tan, November Chin, December Chong

  1. 0100: The FEI-nion's Window Lee at YiuTP main gate says many are being here for the riot. The reason for this is the management feels they have additional powers to show to the students to saja implement curfew after 1am. We believe this is the first time that students are being so punctual for any event held in the YiuTP. There has been many positive messages from the students such as "*tut* you, we're *tut* doing what we want and you can *tut* my *tut* you *tut* little *tut* *tut* " and "here comes the real 2012".

    0114: The riot has just getting hot here as more and more students are joining. They even have two special corners fighting for the rights to wear hot pants, and they call themselves "The Ultimate Land Crocs" and "The Sotongz".

    0121: More and more groups are joining the riots. "The Far Socks Movement". "The Anti-Melvin Movement", "We All Love Mao Mao" and "Who The Hell is December Chong?" are also there.

    0230: The YiuTP Auxiliary Police released about three hundred boxes of tear gases, in the form of assignment papers and failed exam slip, sending all the students running away. However, there are a bunch of high achievers still remained, refusing to bulk away. The YiuTP Auxiliary Police had to resolve to releasing pictures of their mad parents.

    0640: Greater Iskandester Police release a first batch of 17 images and names of suspects who led the riot, namely Ho Pang Ko, Ma Kus Chan, Tan Wen Tat and Biu Tee Suan.

    0800: Ministry of Pets and Pests (MPP) statement: "We have enough prison rooms in wee-six for those that are sentenced to custody. There is substantial capacity in the prison system."

    1348: The Federation of Extreme Idiocy has refused to admit on sending supporters to the riot. President FEI says "We would not done so. It should've been a good business to rent supporters to such happening event but no, we are not going to admit our involvement in this riot until somebody found the evidence of us doing so. But I stand firm on refusing to admit to this accusation as all evidence was burnt."

    2 Meanings

    Teacher says, there are two meanings to the below sentence:

    "Turn on that f*cking machine"

    *No prizes for those who can get this lame joke.

    Saturday, December 3, 2011

    Na Xie Nian - Those Days

    Na xie nian, we all knew each other during MAS,
    Na xie nian, we all walked all the way to jarum emas,
    Na xie nian, we go ipoh by bus,
    Na xie nian, we all sleep front row in class,

    Na zie nian, Chong Kian basketball court there buat pengsan,
    Na xie nian, Melvin go taman maju all the way jalan,
    Na xie nian, Pangkor in toilet very tu lan,
    Na xie nian, we laugh until bueh tahan,

    Na zie nian, Boon Tat lakon MTV,
    Na zie nian, Tee Hooi nangis berlari,
    Na xie nian, Xi Yi show secret skill how to park kenari,
    Na zie nian, Yik Lung everyday Tronoh there 漂移(Phiu Yi),

    Na zie nian, we all prank Thian Hui Ching birthday,
    Na zie nian, at back road hill Hui Ching shouted hey!
    Na xie nian, JJ sang 千里,
    Na zie nian, KK pose ,



    jeng jeng jeng....

    Thursday, January 27, 2011


    OK....OK...everything is OK when you say OK..

    Damn OK

    Blardy OK


    Friday, January 14, 2011

    Famous Quotes By People Born on January 14

    "The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for." Maureen Dowd Andy Rooney (Born in 1919); American Journalist.

    "The purpose of human life is to serve and to show compassion and the will to help others." Albert Schweitzer (Born in 1875); Humanitarian and Theologian.

    "Excuses are tools with which persons with no purpose in view build for themselves great monuments for nothing." Steven Grayhm (Born in 1981); Canada Actor.

    "Happiness? That's nothing more than a good health and a poor memory." Albert Schweitzer (Born in 1875); Humanitarian and Theologian.

    "I just outsmarted myself. It was an easy word. I just made a stupid mistake." Samir Patel (Born in 1994) American Spelling Bee Winner.

    "Which part should I laugh?" Marcus C.H.Chan (Born in 1986); Schlumberger Engineer.

    "Is this a joke or a statement?" Marcus C.H.Chan (Born in 1986); Schlumberger Engineer.

    "我-就-是-不-相-信-!" Marcus C.H.Chan (Born in 1986); Schlumberger Engineer.